Rakuen application

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

PLAYER INFORMATION

Name: Poptart
Journal: poppulchritude
Contact information: [AIM] Kuroupouri
Other characters: N/A
Do you need an invite code? nah.

CHARACTER INFORMATION

Name: Karkat Vantas
Age: 6 solar sweeps / 13 years old
Canon: canon karkat
Canon point: End of Act 6 Intermission
Personality:

Karkat Vantas, story wise, is the manifestation of the Zodiac sign Cancer. What are Cancers like? They’re loyal, dependable, emotional, loving, and protective. Cancers feel, and that fits Karkat to a T, because Karkat Vantas is a third degree burn of emotion. He is overdramatic because he is overfeeling. He rages a lot, cries hard and loves with every fibre of his being. Passionate is a good word for him; kind is another. Karkat would brag about being a badass, motherfucking killer, but he is actually this squeamish puppy that would never have the heart to kill another person. Look past his angry, candy coating, and it doesn’t take a lot to win over Karkat’s friendship; which is good, because he is an irreplaceable friend to have and he will treasure you forever.

This kind of emotional oversensitivity naturally invites a lot of insecurities. Everything is a big deal, everybody is going to kill him, oh god, oh shit, but his biggest enemy, the bane of his very existence, is himself. He takes self-deprecation to absurd levels. During their month-long adventure, he made memos just to argue with his past and future selves; it is as ridiculous, stupid and sad as it sounds. Add to that the fact that he’s a mutant among a race of violent aliens, and you get a recipe for disaster. Karkat is rarely calm and always tense; cautious as shit and deathly afraid. Of what? A lot of things – he’s terrified of failing a loved one, of falling short of the impossible standards he set for himself, of the unknown.

But that perpetual fear of the unknown is always overshadowed by the desire to kick its ass. He is an insecure little puffball of concentrated, magical girl tsundere energy, but he does not let himself be the bitch of his negative feelings. Everything is huge and hard to overcome, and that just makes jumping hurdles that much more satisfying. He is independent and ambitious. He is a perfectionist; he is a firm believer that if you want to do something right, you have to do it yourself. That is why he yelled and screamed for the leadership position until everybody felt sorry for him and relinquished it to him. Turns out he is actually a pretty ace leader, to the point that everyone cooperated for a whole month -- which is a huge feat because they're a race of violent aliens. It makes sense, because he’s like the ornery Second Coming of Troll Jesus.

Karkat’s defense mechanism against all his emotional turmoil is his asshole nature. Karkat is, I reiterate, a gigantic asshole! When Hussie made him, he had internet trolls in mind and Karkat fits the bill. Karkat is every angry, literate capslock youtube commenter. Karkat is every angry driver. Karkat is every raging mother. He yells a lot, picks fights and goes on and on and on about mundane shit. It is ridiculously tiring to converse with him, because he will respond to your one-sentence replies with a paragraph full of dick euphemisms and winding metaphors that just basically come down to: you’re an idiot. He thinks you’re shit and you should know it! You’re his friend? Well, more blackmail for you to use against him. (You’re okay sometimes.) He can make really clever insults; what he does with them is insanely stupid.

Like every other Homestuck character, Karkat got an intro page. He wants to be a threshecutioner. He likes computer programming (sucks at it). And romantic comedies. Make of that what you will.

To wrap this personality section up, he is angry and he loves and he feels and he really needs to chill the fuck out. He is not a multi-layered cake, but rather, a hastily prepared taco with emphasis on the salsa.

Weapon:

Name: Cancer
Form: Sickle
Upgrades:

• +6 Agility
• Water
• Deafening
• Pack Instincts
• Marvel Guard

Lost memories:

1. How to tie his shoes.
2. The name of his home planet, Alternia.
3. Troll Serendipity, his favourite movie.
4. Eridan killed two of his crew members.
5. How wonderfully spherical Troll Adam Sandler’s head is.
6. Specifics about the exile of the Black Queen, Snowman.
7. His memo board is named “Fruity Rumpus Asshole Factory.”
8. Crabdad is dead.
9. Troll John Cusack.
10. His blood color, while fully retaining his memories of the hemospectrum.

Sample:

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo RAUNCHY RAINBOW ASSHOLE SESSION --

IT FINALLY HAPPENED.
IT FINALLY FUCKING HAPPENED!
ROUND UP YOUR LITTLE NEWS SCUTTLEBUGS, VARIOUS PRINTING PRESSES AND EVERY FORM OF THINKABLE MEDIA
GATHER UP YOUR BELOVED AND HATED ONES AROUND THE EARTH FIRE
BECAUSE IT IS WITH A HEAVY HEART AND A CONSTIPATED EXPRESSION THAT I PRESENT TO YOU "THE NEWS"
KARKAT VANTAS HAS OFFICIALLY LOST HIS MIND!
IT TOOK HIM *THIS* LONG?
APPARENTLY, GIVE THE TROLL A PRIZE
YOU’D THINK THE FACT THAT HE CURSED HIS SUBORDINATES BY ACTIVATING A FILE, FUCKED HIS SESSION SIDEWAYS, WATCHED HELPLESSLY AS HIS TEAM CRUMBLED APART BEFORE HIS VERY EYES AND MURDERED EACH OTHER AND SENTENCED HIS NEW ALIEN PALS TO DAMNATION BY GIVING THEIR (SPOILER ALERT!!) UNIVERSE CANCER WOULD’VE DONE IT
BUT NOPE
WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT THAT THE THING, THE ONE MINISCULE THING THAT WOULD PUSH HIM OFF THE EDGE OF SANITY INTO TEREZI’S PERSONAL GAME PARLOR, WOULD BE A DOUCHEBAG WITH PURSED LIPS AND A SUPER FLIGHTY BROAD DEBASING HIM IN FRONT OF HIS TEAM???
YEAH THAT WAS KIND OF A WILD CARD ENDING, HUH.

BEFORE ANY OF YOU NOOKWADS MAKE A MORONIC STATEMENT ABOUT HOW I AM APPARENTLY NOT FUCKING INSANE THEN LET’S CONSIDER THE OTHER POSSIBILITIES SHALL WE?
POSSIBILITY A: THE MORE LIKELY POSSIBILITY OTHER THAN INSANITY. I AM IN A FUCKING DREAMBUBBLE. HOLY MILKBEAST, BATMAN, WHAT A RELIEF! HOW ENJOYABLE IT IS FOR ME TO LAY UNCONSCIOUS ON TOP OF A PILE OF HARD-EDGED OBJECTS WHILE HORRORTERRORS VIOLATE MY YOUNG SUPPLE FLESH AND TEASE FORTH THE GENETIC MATERIAL FROM MY FREAKY ALIEN GENITALIA. THANK YOU, HORRORTERROS, BECAUSE MY SHAME GLOBES NEEDED A NEW MATESPRIT. THEY'RE NOT IN VERY GOOD TERMS WITH MY RIGHT CLAW RIGHT NOW!
POSSIBILITY B: THIS IS ALL FUCKING REAL.
HA HA HA HA HA
LOOK AT THESE QUIRKY WORDS SPEWING FORTH FROM MY ABSURDITY PALATE
BECAUSE THIS PLACE MAKES SO MUCH SENSE WITHIN THE CONTINUITY OF TIME/SPACE
LET ME WRITE ALL OF THIS DOWN FOR MY NEXT BOOK "THE MULTIVERSE: A DUMBASS'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY" WHERE IMMEDIATELY UPON PUBLICATION, EVERY HUMAN, TROLL AND CARAPACE WOULD TREMBLE BEFORE MY AWE-INSPIRING LOGIC AND LAUD ME THE NEXT TROLL ALBERT EINSTEIN.

...
OK THE POSSIBILITY THAT THIS IS REAL IS STILL THERE AND IT MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE BUT WHAT ELSE IS NEW.
TROLLS AND HUMANS THAT I KNOW, REPORT IN.
IF YOU DON’T REPORT IN AND YOU ARE ACTUALLY, IN FACT, IN THIS PLACE, WHATEVER IT IS, THEN LET ME JUST SAY YOU ARE GETTING A NICE MEAL OF "HAHAHA WOW" AND A SIDE ORDER OF "FUCK YOU AND JUST REPORT IN, YOU MENTALLY DEFICIENT PIECE OF SHIT."